Stop: comparing yourselves to others, caring what others think, coulda-woulda-should-ing.
1) Comparing yourself to the person next to you, on TV, a friend …
Whether it’s a stranger in a coffee shop twiddling their picture-perfect curls whilst the rain fuzzed frizz pouf you are styling is scaring the baby at the next table. Or it’s the pert, perfectly formed ass of the woman walking in front of you in her seemingly moulded to her, hip-hugging jeans, as you think about whether you can get away with undoing the top button of yours without anyone noticing. Or your best friend who just got a promotion but only seems to have been in her role five minutes, while you’re shattered from another long week in the office & the only thing your boss noticed about you lately is the day you left early … only to work the evening, unseen at home.
Not is all as it seems … this is just a negative view of the world. The only thing it’s doing is making you feel less worthy, less happy. You never know what someone else is going through, what they are living with, what trials they have run and how they might be looking at you envying you for something. Envy is a confidence crusher and success stealer. Stop it, stop it right now. You are not them, they are not you.
Reverse think it positive
Trust me, having actively thought about this each time I did it & reversing it into something positive. Such as, thank god for straighteners, what a great ass – but I love doughnuts more. And when I wasn’t appreciated in my job: I changed it! The result? I am so much happier as a person. I celebrate other peoples successes, but more importantly, I am proud of my own. This includes all the little daily ones too. Instead of ‘if only’ I was more like “whilst I wish I had her … I think, this is me, I’m going to own it & rock it!”
2) Caring what ‘everybody’ else thinks.
There’s a reason I say ‘everybody’ here. Sometimes it’s important to care what your lover/mother/brother thinks. Sometimes it’s important to tell them mentally to F@%k off while they dissect the last action you took; into minute painful, teeth grinding, eyebrow-raising, Olympic fake smiling whilst nodding your head and envisaging face slamming them into the table detail. Telling them to actually F off is less successful.
But some of the people who you chose to let be close to you, you trust with the things you find hardest to say & emotions that are most raw to you, will reflect something you need to hear, whether positive or at first hurtful.
Sometimes we see ourselves with rose-tinted glasses. Then sometimes through milk bottle bottom thick microscope lenses, where every crack & imperfection is magnified until we only see what is wrong within us.
Other people can help us gain perspective, ground us when we are so far up our own … Or lift us when we feel like we are the amoeba on the pile of dog shit someone else just wiped off their Hunter wellies. Pick these people wisely. Know when to lean on the truth-teller or the sympathy giver. You need both of these types of people in your life!
As for everybody else, ask yourself why do you care?
The random person on the street who comments on what you are wearing (damn it they did see that top button undoing), the colleague at work who jokes about the time you left the office (can you tell this really gripes me), or the ‘friend’ who points out how much you chugged back your dinner like you were at a pro-eating contest & yikes you’re having dessert? Keep on walking, keep on smiling, keep on chugging.
Do you care because you want them to like you? Need their validation? Or believe without question what they say is right and therefore you are doing something wrong? It only really matters what you think of yourself and if this is only built upon what others think of you & pleasing them, you will never be happy, because, who are you?
3) Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it’s hindsight for a reason. If it was foresight it might cripple you into never doing anything. I have been guilty of over analysing a situation both before and after the event, to the time stealing, paralysing point of either not doing something I thought I would love or completely whitewashing the memory of something I enjoyed into a negative, sad, wrongly enjoyed event.
We all ‘coulda’ done something else in every situation in our life, in every simple decision we make or choice we take. So what? You made the choice you did. Don’t ruin it by thinking how it coulda worked out different had you chosen differently. You didn’t. Move on.
Woulda – really?
What’s your excuse that you didn’t? Or does it make you feel like a better person to have stepped into someone else’s shoes & profess you would have approached the subject differently? Or if your circumstances were different you would have acted differently? I doubt it. You made your choice – own it, they made theirs – leave them to deal with it.
Whether we ‘shoulda’
We will never know the outcome of having taken that different path at that particular moment in time. Take 5 seconds & finish the sentence ‘next time I will …’ & do it. Stop wasting your time wondering if.
We have all been brainwashed by nature/nurture on how to & how we should act. Stop living the way you think you should, stop following your ego & let your intuition guide you. You’ll soon find freedom in that.
Get going, stop C-ing around.
Do you want to stop C’ing around and BE the person you want? To stop comparing yourself to others and caring what others think and start trusting your intuition and being confident in your choices.
I’m here to help you do just that! Click on the button to book a discovery call with me so we can chat.